Four bags of Oreos

Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.

I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??

Replies

unknown

Gee, Peaceful Warrior, just needs to call a lawyer and get a divorce. The man EATS OREOS! FOUR BAGS!

Really, there is no other answer or solution.

unknown

draznyth wrote: »

SLLRunner wrote: »

draznyth wrote: »

jofjltncb6 wrote: »

MrM27 wrote: »

Chrysalid2014 wrote: »

ndj1979 wrote: »

kimondo666 wrote: »

Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.

i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..

Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)

ndj1979 wrote: »

and source of sugar does not matter...

I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.

So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...

3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.

As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.

Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.

Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.

I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...

Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?

This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.

Srs wtf are you gonna do with stale Oreos

You make bread pudding out of stale bread, I'll bet you can crunch up those stale oreos and make oreo pudding. use them in brownies or cookies or some other desert. Heck, grind them up and sprinkle them on top of your ice cream, or put them in homemade bread. Put them in a milkshake even.

DO NOT throw the stale oreos away!

LOL!

unknown

Oh geez, OP. I don't even know what to say. There is so much going on there. Another conversation is never going to do it. I wish I had an answer for you. I really just don't know what to say except that I will be thinking of you and hoping that somehow, your husband will eventually turn things around for himself. And in the meantime, keep doing what you're doing for you. Ugh, I really, really wish there were something solid to say here. Maybe someone else has some ideas (based on what you've now posted).

unknown

OP, I'm sorry, and I'm not saying this to be mean - but if he was over 400 lbs on your first date, what did you think you were getting yourself into?

It's hard for people to change. They have to change themselves. They only change themselves when they feel like the benefits of the change outweigh the benefits of their current state. That's why we generally advise against marrying abusers or cheaters, since the likelihood of them seeing the error of their ways and changing for good is low.

Yes, he may decide to change in time, but you knew what you were getting into when you married him. Either you accept him for who he is and leave him alone to figure it out for himself, or you leave him. His health is out of your hands.

unknown

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

It's evening here, and I've been reading through all of the thoughts and comments and I hope I can clear up some of the questions.

No, this definitely was not our first conversation - in fact our first conversation about eating healthy was on our first date 11 years ago. I was "pudgy" to borrow an adjective from an earlier poster and he was in the 400-ish range. One of the things that brought us together was what I had thought was a sincere desire on both our parts to get healthier, both through healthier eating and a healthier lifestyle in general. He was already considering WLS, and having known several coworkers who were somewhat in the same boat as him have amazing successes, I encouraged him to explore that option. The year and a half leading up to our engagement were filled with discussions on how to better things, and we planned a wedding with surgery on the horizon once I could get him on my insurance plan (his didn't cover it).Of course there were some warning flags that I missed in hindsight, but all in all, he was a great guy and I loved him for the person he was - I've never been one to judge a book by its cover.

Now a little about my own weight struggle... I have had my ups and down... many, many stressors including an abusive first marriage, losing my second husband to cancer, and trying to cope with raising three kids, one of whom has some pretty significant health issues herself. I have fought depression and the weight gain that comes with needing to be on antidepressants. Throw in menopause, new found thyroid issues, and attempting to deal with disappointments and broken promises, I would gain, then lose, and then repeat the cycle. Eating healthy is a pleasure for me personally - having to fight for space in the refrigerator for my salad fixings and lean meats can be overwhelming. Being told a year after the marriage (when I started losing weight along side him in anticipation of his surgery) that I was getting too thin (at 195" lbs) and if I lost weight, I wouldn't be attractive anymore, was a tough blow, but I put it down to anxiety over the changes that were coming pretty fast. After all, I was thinner than that when I met him.

The next five years were filled with conflict and growing health concerns (on my part) for both of us, but I noticed that he was moving in the opposite direction again healthwise. He began experiencing significant knee pain, back pain, digestive issues, and was back on a high pressure bipap. I tried everything - including doing nothing, but none of it helped until I insisted on couples counseling which led to individual counseling for both of us. In a unfortunate turn of events, he found a therapist who prescribed amphetamines supposedly to treat adult ADD. He started losing weight pretty consistently, and when it would slow, he would tell his dr that he was having more ADD issues and the dosage increased - pretty soon he could eat whatever he wanted to with no weight gain. Status quo for about 3 years until about 6 months ago when he started gaining weight again. He was on the maximum dose of medication, so things went downhill pretty quickly. Things are to the point where I am at a loss, and watching his health deteriorate not only saddens me, it scares me for all of the reasons so many of you have brought up.

I love him, but I love myself too - it's hard to stand by and watch him kill himself, because that is exactly what he is doing. He wants to blame (the world, his parents, his genetics, the food industry for having so many yummy choices... the list goes on), but he refuses to take responsibility or empower himself to make changes.

So that is the background... and here I am... he's angry with me tonight because I refused to pick up the 4 individual apple pies he had added to the shopping list when I stopped at the store this evening... and there are eight more cookies gone.

Sigh...

Couldn't this info have been divulged at the beginning? In a shorter version , of course. This sound nothing like your initial post.

unknown

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

It's evening here, and I've been reading through all of the thoughts and comments and I hope I can clear up some of the questions.

No, this definitely was not our first conversation - in fact our first conversation about eating healthy was on our first date 11 years ago. I was "pudgy" to borrow an adjective from an earlier poster and he was in the 400-ish range. One of the things that brought us together was what I had thought was a sincere desire on both our parts to get healthier, both through healthier eating and a healthier lifestyle in general. He was already considering WLS, and having known several coworkers who were somewhat in the same boat as him have amazing successes, I encouraged him to explore that option. The year and a half leading up to our engagement were filled with discussions on how to better things, and we planned a wedding with surgery on the horizon once I could get him on my insurance plan (his didn't cover it).Of course there were some warning flags that I missed in hindsight, but all in all, he was a great guy and I loved him for the person he was - I've never been one to judge a book by its cover.

Now a little about my own weight struggle... I have had my ups and down... many, many stressors including an abusive first marriage, losing my second husband to cancer, and trying to cope with raising three kids, one of whom has some pretty significant health issues herself. I have fought depression and the weight gain that comes with needing to be on antidepressants. Throw in menopause, new found thyroid issues, and attempting to deal with disappointments and broken promises, I would gain, then lose, and then repeat the cycle. Eating healthy is a pleasure for me personally - having to fight for space in the refrigerator for my salad fixings and lean meats can be overwhelming. Being told a year after the marriage (when I started losing weight along side him in anticipation of his surgery) that I was getting too thin (at 195" lbs) and if I lost weight, I wouldn't be attractive anymore, was a tough blow, but I put it down to anxiety over the changes that were coming pretty fast. After all, I was thinner than that when I met him.

The next five years were filled with conflict and growing health concerns (on my part) for both of us, but I noticed that he was moving in the opposite direction again healthwise. He began experiencing significant knee pain, back pain, digestive issues, and was back on a high pressure bipap. I tried everything - including doing nothing, but none of it helped until I insisted on couples counseling which led to individual counseling for both of us. In a unfortunate turn of events, he found a therapist who prescribed amphetamines supposedly to treat adult ADD. He started losing weight pretty consistently, and when it would slow, he would tell his dr that he was having more ADD issues and the dosage increased - pretty soon he could eat whatever he wanted to with no weight gain. Status quo for about 3 years until about 6 months ago when he started gaining weight again. He was on the maximum dose of medication, so things went downhill pretty quickly. Things are to the point where I am at a loss, and watching his health deteriorate not only saddens me, it scares me for all of the reasons so many of you have brought up.

I love him, but I love myself too - it's hard to stand by and watch him kill himself, because that is exactly what he is doing. He wants to blame (the world, his parents, his genetics, the food industry for having so many yummy choices... the list goes on), but he refuses to take responsibility or empower himself to make changes.

So that is the background... and here I am... he's angry with me tonight because I refused to pick up the 4 individual apple pies he had added to the shopping list when I stopped at the store this evening... and there are eight more cookies gone.

Sigh...

This is an honest question, did you ask him why he opened all 4 Oreo packages and ate 2 from each?

softblondechick wrote: »

Gee, Peaceful Warrior, just needs to call a lawyer and get a divorce. The man EATS OREOS! FOUR BAGS!

Really, there is no other answer or solution.

I guess that's sarcasm^^^^

unknown

Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »

OP, I'm sorry, and I'm not saying this to be mean - but if he was over 400 lbs on your first date, what did you think you were getting yourself into?

It's hard for people to change. They have to change themselves. They only change themselves when they feel like the benefits of the change outweigh the benefits of their current state. That's why we generally advise against marrying abusers or cheaters, since the likelihood of them seeing the error of their ways and changing for good is low.

Yes, he may decide to change in time, but you knew what you were getting into when you married him. Either you accept him for who he is and leave him alone to figure it out for himself, or you leave him. His health is out of your hands.

^^This. It is an awful situation to be in OP, and I really do feel for you. But honestly, if it were me, I would walk away at this point $:\$ . I'm sure I'll get slammed by some for saying that, but...

unknown

Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »

OP, I'm sorry, and I'm not saying this to be mean - but if he was over 400 lbs on your first date, what did you think you were getting yourself into?

It's hard for people to change. They have to change themselves. They only change themselves when they feel like the benefits of the change outweigh the benefits of their current state. That's why we generally advise against marrying abusers or cheaters, since the likelihood of them seeing the error of their ways and changing for good is low.

Yes, he may decide to change in time, but you knew what you were getting into when you married him. Either you accept him for who he is and leave him alone to figure it out for himself, or you leave him. His health is out of your hands.

Did you not read what she wrote at all??

One of the things that brought us together was what I had thought was a sincere desire on both our parts to get healthier, both through healthier eating and a healthier lifestyle in general. He was already considering WLS,

As for the rest of the thread, I agree with everyone who says you can't change him. But I also don't think you need to sit around waiting to be his caregiver (if you aren't already). Move on with your life. Wish him well in his. I can't believe the fortitude you have for staying this long.

unknown

MrM27 wrote: »

This is an honest question, did you ask him why he opened all 4 Oreo packages and ate 2 from each?

I did, but I already knew the answer...four different flavors... and he felt 8 was a reasonable amount for a late night snack.

unknown

Nony_Mouse wrote: »

Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »

OP, I'm sorry, and I'm not saying this to be mean - but if he was over 400 lbs on your first date, what did you think you were getting yourself into?

It's hard for people to change. They have to change themselves. They only change themselves when they feel like the benefits of the change outweigh the benefits of their current state. That's why we generally advise against marrying abusers or cheaters, since the likelihood of them seeing the error of their ways and changing for good is low.

Yes, he may decide to change in time, but you knew what you were getting into when you married him. Either you accept him for who he is and leave him alone to figure it out for himself, or you leave him. His health is out of your hands.

^^This. It is an awful situation to be in OP, and I really do feel for you. But honestly, if it were me, I would walk away at this point $:\$ . I'm sure I'll get slammed by some for saying that, but...

I'd never judge anyone for being honest...

Everyone has their breaking points and deal breakers... I think part of what scares me is that I realize I'm nearing mine... I'm just not in a position to make that decision yet, nor do I really want to, because I still care.

unknown

tedboosalis7 wrote: »

Man you guys are lazy. Really lazy.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2480844/How-losing-weight-BAD-relationship-partners-sabotaging-diets-rejecting-sex.html

All it took was a right click on his post - then you just select "search with google" on the title of the article. How difficult is that????? He's right - y'all keep asking for this and that - go learn how to use a computer.

Wait - did you just link a Daily Mail fluff piece with no links to a study? And in quickly glancing at the article I see an asst. prof of communication commenting on her (I think) study? And the study involved a survey of 21 couples? This is the research that others have been interested in? Really?

unknown

Okay, so when exactly did your husband get the WLS, OP?

unknown

This is a tough situation but you can only change yourself. My husband eats doughnuts, honey buns, chips, and lots of candy bars. It is in the house every week! I was munching on that stuff here and there and I was putting on weight. Now I avoid 'his' foods altogether. He can eat that if he wants to! I am going to stay determined and not eat it even if it is in the house. My husband also cooks heavy food. Beef stew, spaghetti with meat sauce and sausage. I counter balance it by eating certain meals and skipping others. I tell hubby to have a hamburger and I will make something else. He has gotten over not sharing the same meal because I have to be able to do this or I will not achieve success! I have nights that I cook and I make only healthy meals. Sometimes we cook together on the grill and we seem to both agree to those meals the most. We are loving our new grill! Also, now I do all of the shopping! Always make a list and grab lots of fresh foods. I also prep a lot on Sunday so that I always have something healthy to grab from the fridge! One day Hubby bought me a king size Hershey's bar with almonds. I told him take it back it doesn't align with my goals. He kept stashing it by my bed and I actually threw it in the garbage!

unknown

LAWoman72 wrote: »

Okay, so when exactly did your husband get the WLS, OP?

Spring, 2007

unknown

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

Nony_Mouse wrote: »

Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »

OP, I'm sorry, and I'm not saying this to be mean - but if he was over 400 lbs on your first date, what did you think you were getting yourself into?

It's hard for people to change. They have to change themselves. They only change themselves when they feel like the benefits of the change outweigh the benefits of their current state. That's why we generally advise against marrying abusers or cheaters, since the likelihood of them seeing the error of their ways and changing for good is low.

Yes, he may decide to change in time, but you knew what you were getting into when you married him. Either you accept him for who he is and leave him alone to figure it out for himself, or you leave him. His health is out of your hands.

^^This. It is an awful situation to be in OP, and I really do feel for you. But honestly, if it were me, I would walk away at this point $:\$ . I'm sure I'll get slammed by some for saying that, but...

I'd never judge anyone for being honest...

Everyone has their breaking points and deal breakers... I think part of what scares me is that I realize I'm nearing mine... I'm just not in a position to make that decision yet, nor do I really want to, because I still care.

Gentle (((hugs))). It is a tough one, I know. Perhaps time to let him know that? Not in a 'if you don't change I'll leave' ultimatum way of course. Maybe further couples counseling to work through this isn't a bad idea.

unknown

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

LAWoman72 wrote: »

Okay, so when exactly did your husband get the WLS, OP?

Spring, 2007

Did he lose weight at that point? Had he changed his eating habits? Has he since stretched his stomach back out - I'm wondering how he gained weight again? Is he back in the 400 lb. range?

I'm sorry for the questions and you don't have to answer them if you don't want to, I'm just curious how this happened.

unknown

By the way you are not alone! You have this community of people who can totally relate. Utilize us! We will help you reach your goals! The longer you change you habits the more your man is going to have to adjust and eventually he will be more supportive.

unknown

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

Nony_Mouse wrote: »

Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »

OP, I'm sorry, and I'm not saying this to be mean - but if he was over 400 lbs on your first date, what did you think you were getting yourself into?

It's hard for people to change. They have to change themselves. They only change themselves when they feel like the benefits of the change outweigh the benefits of their current state. That's why we generally advise against marrying abusers or cheaters, since the likelihood of them seeing the error of their ways and changing for good is low.

Yes, he may decide to change in time, but you knew what you were getting into when you married him. Either you accept him for who he is and leave him alone to figure it out for himself, or you leave him. His health is out of your hands.

^^This. It is an awful situation to be in OP, and I really do feel for you. But honestly, if it were me, I would walk away at this point $:\$ . I'm sure I'll get slammed by some for saying that, but...

I'd never judge anyone for being honest...

Everyone has their breaking points and deal breakers... I think part of what scares me is that I realize I'm nearing mine... I'm just not in a position to make that decision yet, nor do I really want to, because I still care.

I am so sorry that you are going through this, OP.

I wish that there was more that I could say. You have to take care of yourself in this situation, though. Either you decide to step back and let your husband do what he's going to do, or you leave him. The only other option is staying with him and constantly stressing over HIS health. That wouldn't be healthy for either of you. Your health and your marriage would suffer.

unknown

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

MrM27 wrote: »

This is an honest question, did you ask him why he opened all 4 Oreo packages and ate 2 from each?

I did, but I already knew the answer...four different flavors... and he felt 8 was a reasonable amount for a late night snack.

Well I'm not going to comment much on it being a good late night snack because there's just a lot I don't know about the situation but I do know that I often buy 3 or 4 different ice creams at a time I've that I haven't tried before and as soon as I get home I try a spoon out of all of them. I'm not saying what he did was right or wrong. With his medical problems I honestly don't see that's it's the same as what I do.

unknown

LAWoman72 wrote: »

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

LAWoman72 wrote: »

Okay, so when exactly did your husband get the WLS, OP?

Spring, 2007

Did he lose weight at that point? Had he changed his eating habits? Has he since stretched his stomach back out - I'm wondering how he gained weight again? Is he back in the 400 lb. range?

I'm sorry for the questions and you don't have to answer them if you don't want to, I'm just curious how this happened.

He had to lose 30 lbs before they would say yes to surgery, and I believe when he went into surgery he was around 370-ish. After the surgery he lost about another 30 and would go up and down until the amphetamines were prescribed. After that he essentially was eating whatever he wanted (he evidently has no satiety receptors and just rode out the discomfort) without gaining weight until about 6 months ago. The amphetamines have a whole host of other side effects as well, but no noticeable (to me or the family) positive effects on his supposed ADD (note to everyone... never go to a therapist with an agenda, ie seems like most of their patients all have the same problem).

As for his weight he won't tell me... even when I insisted I needed to know for the paramedics... you know, just in case... (I'm not always that peaceful of a warrior)

Weight loss surgery is a tool, not a solution. You still have to do the work...

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