Four bags of Oreos

Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.

I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??

Replies

Carnivor0us wrote: »

Since your husband is a grown adult, I suggest doing what I had to do - lead by example, by cooking tasty yet healthful meals (if you're the one that cooks, that is) and politely refusing any junk.

It's amazing how many people I've turned that way. It took time, but it always works.

This. I just did what I needed to do and allowed my hubby to watch the results. Now he's making much better choices for himself. I believe when you make that decision for yourself, and have no one making you, the change is lasting.

You're freaking out because he brought some snacks into the house. Does that automatically mean he's going to eat them all at once? I don't think diabetes means no sweets ever for the rest of your life.

I'm not sure why so many people come here and are upset that their partner/spouse/roommate is not "on board" with a new "healthy eating" regime.

Just because you are married or living together does not mean you have to be conjoined 100% in your eating habits and then make this a point of contention...some people even come here and accuse their partner of trying to "sabotage them" because they are not into switching up their eating habits.

Your husband is a full grown, functional adult. It is up to him to decide what he wants to eat and what not to eat. Just like you are a full grown, functional adult. It is up to YOU to decide what you want to eat and what you don't want to eat. You do not have to be "on the same page" or "in the same book" at ALL - if you stop with that expectation, I promise you, you will have a happier home life.

If you are the primary meal maker, then make meals that will appeal to you both - you can still do that and fit into your goals. You don't have to eat all chicken breast and tuna and never eat potatoes again.... if he wants things like butter and gravy then he can have it on the side, and you eat the way you want to eat.

The only time I make special food for me is when we have hot dogs. For some hideous reason my family likes those cheese-like substance filled hot dogs, and I prefer Hebrew National 97% Fat Free kosher beef franks. So I buy 2 different kinds of dogs. I don't force my family to eat mine.

My husband comes home with chip and dip and the kids like ice cream and I do get oreos and sweetened cereals for them - and I eat my melons and yogurt and sometimes I indulge in a bowl of Lucky Charms or vanilla bean ice cream.

What's the problem? I see none other than frustration at wanting to control what someone else does. You can't win that war....you can't. So stop trying and just worry about YOU.

why can't he eat the foods that he bought in a deficit and lose weight still?????

kimondo666 wrote: »

Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.

i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..

and source of sugar does not matter...

Chrysalid2014 wrote: »

Oshun64 wrote: »

rabbitjb wrote: »

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.

I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??

2 oreos is around 100 calories

I fail to see the issue

The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.

Couldn't have said it better myself!
Some people appear to get very het up by others making a decision to quit junk food. Those people must feel very defensive and insecure about choosing to eat such things themselves.

speaking of defensive...

rabbitjb wrote: »

Chrysalid2014 wrote: »

mamapeach910 wrote: »

Chrysalid2014 wrote: »

Oshun64 wrote: »

rabbitjb wrote: »

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.

I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??

2 oreos is around 100 calories

I fail to see the issue

The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.

Couldn't have said it better myself!
Some people appear to get very het up by others making a decision to quit junk food. Those people must feel very defensive and insecure about choosing to eat such things themselves.

And what would you suggest the OP do to a grown man who bought the food?

She's not eating them, but he bought them.

I don't know – some kind of intervention, perhaps? Arrange a meeting with other family members and his doctor to give him a stern wake-up call?

The OP likened her situation to watching a loved one ingest poison. I thought that was a good analogy.

I have an extremely happy marriage to a man who suffers with a chronic condition that could potentially be ameliorated through diet

I have an extremely happy marriage because I am married to an adult who is capable of making his own decisions and whilst we can chat about it, or I might occasionally mention a concern, I would never infantalise him

Sounds like some think she should sit him in the naughty corner

Same here.

I am married to a man who has high blood pressure at 30...no meds yet but everyone in his family (uncles, aunts and grandmother on his mom's side) died of heart attacks early in life...some of them prior to 30.

His favorite meal...gravy with sausages and cheese over fries with extra cheese...imagine the sodium in that...

He is a grown man he can eat what he wants

OH and diabetics can eat oreos...my brother is a type 1 diabetic and loves them.

*smh* you do you...let him do him.

elphie754 wrote: »

Carnivor0us wrote: »

SLLRunner wrote: »

brwelch1 wrote: »

Maybe he wants to fit them into his calorie goals?

MrM27 wrote: »

Maybe they were on sale and he saw a deal he couldn't pass up?

These ^^^^.

You can lose weight eating whatever you want as long as you stay within your calorie goals. If you don't want that big bag of peanut butter cups, I have room in my cabinet.

No, not this. He's got a medical condition that does not allow eating those items regularly. Life isn't fair.

He is an adult. It is his choice of he wants to make changes to improve his health or not. No one can force anyone else to change.

This! He is still an adult.

The only thing I can say is ....just don't buy that stuff yourself. Keep making satisfying and nutritious meals and if he buys that stuff, he buys it. You can not control him no matter how much you want to.

Chrysalid2014 wrote: »

mamapeach910 wrote: »

Chrysalid2014 wrote: »

Oshun64 wrote: »

rabbitjb wrote: »

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.

I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??

2 oreos is around 100 calories

I fail to see the issue

The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.

Couldn't have said it better myself!
Some people appear to get very het up by others making a decision to quit junk food. Those people must feel very defensive and insecure about choosing to eat such things themselves.

And what would you suggest the OP do to a grown man who bought the food?

She's not eating them, but he bought them.

I don't know – some kind of intervention, perhaps? Arrange a meeting with other family members and his doctor to give him a stern wake-up call?

The OP likened her situation to watching a loved one ingest poison. I thought that was a good analogy.

an intervention …??? bahahahahahahahha …..oh man that is funny …

so oreos = poison now??

Even for one with a medical condition, like OP's husband, oreos are not poison …..please stop with the ludicrousness ...

OP, if your husband is diabetic and needs 3 meds but fails to follow a diet and exercise plan, which is 90% if not more of diabetes management, this is very much your concern. Because he is putting his life at risk, which does affect his family, and he is also taking a gamble with serious disabilities. My husband was for 10 years the primary caregivery of his mother, who suffered a serious stroke, and was left almost completely paralysed. As a direct result of unmanaged diabetes and blood pressure. It is not just his quality of life that is at stake.
So, if I were you, yes, I would be scheduling interventions, involving the entire family, throwing the food away, demanding he sees his dr, demanding he follows his dr's advice, demanding he meets up with a dietician.
Because I would rather fight with him and treat him like a child, than spend the rest of my life seeing him suffer with body or mind reduced to that of an infant. It is true, he is an adult and can make his own choices. However, unless he wishes to leave and forget he has family, he needs to respect that his choices affect his family. A diabetic not complying with lifestyle changes, is tempting fate. Unless he is mentally disabled, he knows this is putting his family under stress, so he cannot pretend it is his life his choice. It will be you changing his diapers, so you have a say.

4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »

A few things:

Sometimes it just takes time to adjust and get educated. If you all just had this talk I think one failed shopping trip does not necessarily mean he does not care, it just means he needs to keep working at getting better.

Sometimes making things more healthy sneakily works. I might get slammed for this but there have been a few things I have changes without telling my husband and sometimes he does not even notice. I started putting ground turkey in tacos instead of ground beef (I was looking for lower fat, then stumbled upon the fact that ground turkey is actually cheaper where I live!). I think I made tacos like 6 times this way before he caught on one day. "This isn't ground beef is it?" "Nope but you have not eaten ground beef in tacos for a while now so shut up and eat it" "*shrugs* ok...." And usually he is very resistant to change.

Good luck, I hope you guys figure things out

No slamming for that, if you're doing the cooking, you get to decide how you make the food!

TimothyFish wrote: »

I assume that your husband has no intention of eating all that at one time. There is a big difference between having it in the house and having it in your stomach.

And I assume that the OP's husband isn't living in an underground bunker where he won't see the light of day or a grocery store for another month or two.

Someone who deliberately purchases that amount of crap in one go probably plans to binge on it. *Four* bags of Oreos is a bit excessive.

Unless all that stuff was on a big, big sale or something. Like bogo.

aggelikik wrote: »

OP, if your husband is diabetic and needs 3 meds but fails to follow a diet and exercise plan, which is 90% if not more of diabetes management, this is very much your concern. Because he is putting his life at risk, which does affect his family, and he is also taking a gamble with serious disabilities. My husband was for 10 years the primary caregivery of his mother, who suffered a serious stroke, and was left almost completely paralysed. As a direct result of unmanaged diabetes and blood pressure. It is not just his quality of life that is at stake.
So, if I were you, yes, I would be scheduling interventions, involving the entire family, throwing the food away, demanding he sees his dr, demanding he follows his dr's advice, demanding he meets up with a dietician.
Because I would rather fight with him and treat him like a child, than spend the rest of my life seeing him suffer with body or mind reduced to that of an infant. It is true, he is an adult and can make his own choices. However, unless he wishes to leave and forget he has family, he needs to respect that his choices affect his family. A diabetic not complying with lifestyle changes, is tempting fate. Unless he is mentally disabled, he knows this is putting his family under stress, so he cannot pretend it is his life his choice. It will be you changing his diapers, so you have a say.

that sounds like a recipe for disaster ….

Last time I checked he lives in a free country and if he wants to eat to the detriment of this health then that would be his choice, and not the food police.

Since being nice and giving examples hasn't helped people get the idea that it his his choice, I am going to state it a bit more bluntly:

He is over the age 18?
He has no medical conditions that alter his mental state (and requires a guardian)?
You are in an equal partner relationship? (As opposed to some sort of power exchange)

If all the answers are yes, then you seriously need to let him be. Nagging is NOT going to get you wal at you want. It may actually cause him to resent you and eat more of those things to spite you. He is a grown adult, capable of making his own choices. You can either let him be or you can exit the relationship. Just because you are married does not mean you suddenly get to decide what he does with his body. Don't like it? Tough! You are not him, and only he can change himself.

OP, I understand your concern for his health, but you can't force your husband to change his eating habits. He's going to need to be motivated enough to change them on his own.

If you ban Oreos or ice cream from the house, nothing is stopping him for buying it and eating at work or out of the house. Then there is even more tension because he is sneaking around.

Just work on yourself and set a good example.

ndj1979 wrote: »

kimondo666 wrote: »

Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.

i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..

Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)

ndj1979 wrote: »

and source of sugar does not matter...

I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.

So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...

You can lead a horse to water....

I know where you're coming from. My family is all obese with heart problems. My husband's father died at 72 from atherosclerosis (plaque build up on arteries due to diet and smoking). My husband and I were both overweight and he got his first ever 'warning level blood pressure' result. Something a 20something shouldn't have to worry about.

So I got my act together. I ate oreos (they're vegan!) and logged them and stayed under my calories and made sure I got enough protein and fiber and such. I started losing weight pretty quickly. My husband said he wanted to as well, but then he carried on eating and drinking the same way he had been. Instead of demanding a shopping list or banning foods, I talked with him about his goals. I told him my goals, my plan for getting there (MFP, food scale, daily weigh-ins, walking dogs more, zumba, dance class). I told him that he could support me by leaving me alone to log my food in the evening/do meal prep. He could support me by going on dog walks when he wants to. He could support me by not taking food from my plate, since I've pre-logged it and not asking me if I want more of something. At that point, he wanted to drop a few pounds but his plan was, "I don't know, eat less, lift more?"

He wasn't ready at first, even though he said he wanted to make changes. Saying you want to make changes and actually being ready to change are very different. Repeatedly ask him what his goals are and how you can help support him to achieve them.

As for the "militant" thing, if it bothers you, tell him how it makes you feel when he calls you names. Tell him how you need his verbal support, even if he's not ready to make the same dietary choices as you.

Chrysalid2014 wrote: »

ndj1979 wrote: »

kimondo666 wrote: »

Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.

i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..

Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)

ndj1979 wrote: »

and source of sugar does not matter...

I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.

So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...

Can we get a link to that so we can read what you're claiming for ourselves?

I HATE OREOS!!!

APeacefulWarrior wrote: »

It's so very much more complicated than just this latest issue. Diabetes killed his father, and we're all concerned that he is headed in the same direction. He is also 8 years out from failed WLS, and as for me, I am simply sick and tired of feeling sick and tired (ie, I don't want to become diabetic, I want to lower my bp, and I am not about to just sit back and be a spectator in my own life) This is the latest in our struggles, but I am determined to succeed this time - with or without his support. I know nagging or demanding he change won't work, but I wish he would at least care enough that he would want me to be healthy and then be supportive of my efforts ... but maybe he just can't be...

I don't know... around his WLS, I made sure I supported him... we're supposed to be in this together, and I hate knowing I'm in it alone, I guess.

Maybe seeing you slim down and get all that more sexy will make him take a look at himself, but you can't force someone to do something because they won't do it till they are ready. I know it is hard with all the yummy snack food in the house but be strong. Have two cookies a day and you will be fine.
Maybe try making your own sweets so he won't go out and buy all that crapy store bought stuff?
And above all do it for you!

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