Unsupportive Sister

So my sister is one of those people where unless you do something her way its not a good method at all. Yesterday, I mentioned that I started this a few days ago and couldn't eat a whole lot because I only had so many calories to last me dinner and an evening snack. So she responds with "wanna know my advice? Don't count calories." I responded with "This plan is better than I have been doing and it makes me aware of what a portion actually is and although its only been a few days its made me more aware of what I eat and how much I eat." Then she looks at me with a look that says "is that the best argument you can come up with?"

I know I can't change her mind but is there anything anyone else would say to someone not supportive of this method of trying to lose weight?

Replies

I know I don't need my sister's approval and It only slightly matters to me what she thinks. That being said it just bothered me that I couldn't just say what I am doing with my life and let it be left at that. Her thing is that she doesn't eat certain meats and never drinks soda and blah blah. Well it doesn't really work in my opinion she still looks as much overweight as she always has been. But I don't tell her that her selective-vegetarianism is a terrible way to lose weight.

I just wish I could have had more facts to support this weight loss method. I don't have results yet because this is new to me and I just started.

I don't really care what she thinks because majority of her methods of doing things make me shake my head. I just want to be able to say something that makes her be like "okay maybe my sister has this figured out and doesn't need my opinions."

K_saine wrote: »

So my sister is one of those people where unless you do something her way its not a good method at all. Yesterday, I mentioned that I started this a few days ago and couldn't eat a whole lot because I only had so many calories to last me dinner and an evening snack. So she responds with "wanna know my advice? Don't count calories." I responded with "This plan is better than I have been doing and it makes me aware of what a portion actually is and although its only been a few days its made me more aware of what I eat and how much I eat." Then she looks at me with a look that says "is that the best argument you can come up with?"

I know I can't change her mind but is there anything anyone else would say to someone not supportive of this method of trying to lose weight?

You could say "I didn't want your advice or opinions actually. Weight loss is about eating less calories than you burn whether you count them or not. That is science. Calorie counting is a useful tool."
IME with those kinds of people you just don't discuss it with them at all though. They won't approve of anything that wasn't thier idea no matter what you say.
Change the subject and do your own thing whether it is weight loss, parenting, or where to live. Their opinion doesn't matter. You know what you are doing is right for you.

It's surprising how much eating plays into family dynamics. A friend and her sister were both overweight since high school & their dad and step mom always encouraged them to lose weight. In their late 30's the sisters dropped nearly 100 pounds each and the parents were pissed off. Their weekly family dinners had to become healthier and now they had to schedule around workouts. They accused them of all sorts of things (rigid, over dramatic, etc.)-- mainly because things were no longer as convenient to the parents. Your sister's reaction to you making changes is more about her resistance to change than about you.

Sounds like a "rain on my parade" person. I have a couple of those in my life. They won't just be happy and supportive, they have to take a giant dump on whatever you are doing. I've learned to stop telling those people practically anything about myself, until they absolutely need to know.
Namely, I recently moved 1800 miles away from my family. I told my mom AFTER we already had an offer on a house accepted.
We want them to be happy for us, but they never will be. So find someone else to share your successes with. There's lots of people on here that will be very supportive when you turn down those extra calories and log some exercise!
Keep at it! Your results are what matter!

I don't know your sister of course, but it's almost certainly a conscious effort to sabotage and control you. In her mind, your success makes her look bad, because she doesn't believe that SHE could do it. Expect her to try to get you to cheat in all sorts of sneaky little ways, so that when you fail, she gets to say 'See? I told you it didn't work.' Misery loves company, and she doesn't want to be miserable alone. I'd bet money that the thought of you or your little sister being in any way 'better' than her just burns her up.

She may actually come around eventually. If she can see you getting results, if she can see that her efforts against you aren't working, and if she knows that you're willing to help her whenever she's ready, she just might change her tune. But be ready for the possibility that she's always going to be an obstacle for you. Either way, just keep doing what's best for you.

K_saine wrote: »

I know I don't need my sister's approval and It only slightly matters to me what she thinks. That being said it just bothered me that I couldn't just say what I am doing with my life and let it be left at that. Her thing is that she doesn't eat certain meats and never drinks soda and blah blah. Well it doesn't really work in my opinion she still looks as much overweight as she always has been. But I don't tell her that her selective-vegetarianism is a terrible way to lose weight.

I just wish I could have had more facts to support this weight loss method. I don't have results yet because this is new to me and I just started.

I don't really care what she thinks because majority of her methods of doing things make me shake my head. I just want to be able to say something that makes her be like "okay maybe my sister has this figured out and doesn't need my opinions."

As other people have said in this thread, calorie counting works for some people but it's not for everyone. To be honest from what you've said about the selective-vegetarianism and her negative attitude, it sounds like she isn't really ready to change herself and doesn't want other people to change and succeed around her. My advice is to have an honest and gentle conversation with her about changing together, what needs to change, how her attitude makes you feel and maybe come up with a health plan you're both happy with. But if she's not ready or you can't agree on a plan then you will need to be strong and take this journey on your own with the support of the people on this app.

As for facts, your evidence that calorie counting works is on this app, look at the success stories. I have personally gone from 217 lbs to 160 lbs and I've not regained the weight. I've love for your sister to tell me it doesn't work

x

Honesty, learn to smile and nod, the go about your business. Now, I'm a snarky person, so I'd be preparing some smartass remarks, but that doesn't work for everyone. XD You know you're not going to get her support, so it doesn't matter what she says. Keep changing the subject and eventually she'll stop. Well, mostly.

K_saine wrote: »

So she responds with "wanna know my advice? Don't count calories."

Your mistake was in not stopping her RIGHT there and telling her that no, you do NO in fact want her advice.

dubird wrote: »

Honesty, learn to smile and nod, the go about your business. Now, I'm a snarky person, so I'd be preparing some smartass remarks, but that doesn't work for everyone. XD You know you're not going to get her support, so it doesn't matter what she says. Keep changing the subject and eventually she'll stop. Well, mostly.

I agree. I'm very much like you.

i suggest that you get into the habit of not talking about food or how much you can or cannot eat with others.

You know, after glancing over the "motivation" forums, I realized that I didn't need or want motivation or support from my friends and family. I needed to rely on myself. Motivate myself. Pick myself off of the couch when I needed to go exercise. i liked the support from MFP, because we all decided to be in this together. But my friends and family didn't decide to do this with me, and I wasn't going to drag them into it just because I was doing it.

K_saine wrote: »

I know I don't need my sister's approval and It only slightly matters to me what she thinks. That being said it just bothered me that I couldn't just say what I am doing with my life and let it be left at that. Her thing is that she doesn't eat certain meats and never drinks soda and blah blah. Well it doesn't really work in my opinion she still looks as much overweight as she always has been. But I don't tell her that her selective-vegetarianism is a terrible way to lose weight.

I just wish I could have had more facts to support this weight loss method. I don't have results yet because this is new to me and I just started.

I don't really care what she thinks because majority of her methods of doing things make me shake my head. I just want to be able to say something that makes her be like "okay maybe my sister has this figured out and doesn't need my opinions."

I've lost almost 100 pounds and one of my friends STILL bashes calorie counting. I just don't discuss weight loss with her anymore, period. You just have to learn to pick your battles and carry on doing what's best for you.

wolverine66 wrote: »

You know, after glancing over the "motivation" forums, I realized that I didn't need or want motivation or support from my friends and family. I needed to rely on myself. Motivate myself. Pick myself off of the couch when I needed to go exercise. i liked the support from MFP, because we all decided to be in this together. But my friends and family didn't decide to do this with me, and I wasn't going to drag them into it just because I was doing it.

why aren't we friends?

You live in your body 24/7. Quietly do what you like because you live with the results. Thank your sister for her concern (comes out badly, but isn't that what family is for?) and move on.

Just do your best Mrs Browns voice and say "That's nice". This even works with my staff lol

Steph38878 wrote: »

dubird wrote: »

Honesty, learn to smile and nod, the go about your business. Now, I'm a snarky person, so I'd be preparing some smartass remarks, but that doesn't work for everyone. XD You know you're not going to get her support, so it doesn't matter what she says. Keep changing the subject and eventually she'll stop. Well, mostly.

I agree. I'm very much like you.

I learned it dealing with my dad. Don't get me wrong, he's a great dad and I love him dearly, but he's a retired Navy officer. His advices sounds like he's telling you what to do instead of just some helpful suggestions. Once I figured that out, I realized that it's eaiser to just let him say his piece, say thanks, I'll keep that in mind, and go about my business. Don't know of OP's sister will react the same way, but it's worth trying.

Or just start telling her wild things you'll be "trying", like leaving the cookies on top of the fridge because calories are afraid of heights and see what happens. XD

Capt_Apollo wrote: »

wolverine66 wrote: »

You know, after glancing over the "motivation" forums, I realized that I didn't need or want motivation or support from my friends and family. I needed to rely on myself. Motivate myself. Pick myself off of the couch when I needed to go exercise. i liked the support from MFP, because we all decided to be in this together. But my friends and family didn't decide to do this with me, and I wasn't going to drag them into it just because I was doing it.

why aren't we friends?

you're not accepting new friends.

wolverine66 wrote: »

Capt_Apollo wrote: »

wolverine66 wrote: »

You know, after glancing over the "motivation" forums, I realized that I didn't need or want motivation or support from my friends and family. I needed to rely on myself. Motivate myself. Pick myself off of the couch when I needed to go exercise. i liked the support from MFP, because we all decided to be in this together. But my friends and family didn't decide to do this with me, and I wasn't going to drag them into it just because I was doing it.

why aren't we friends?

you're not accepting new friends.

i have that there to deter certain people

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