85kurtz wrote: » I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached. I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner.
BinkyBonk wrote: » am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner.
Yeah just no. Also, you are seriously reaching here.
No, it's not reaching at all. It's actually a very common concern.
ndj1979 wrote: » and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous...
ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached. I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner. talk about comparing apples and oranges.. OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future. and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous...
LAWoman72 wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached. I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner. talk about comparing apples and oranges.. OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future. and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... So if it's (possibly, not definitely) a slower death, it's not a big deal? Do you have an exact time frame on what constitutes imminent death? Because anorexics can hang on for years too. Or decades. I'd love to hear what you single-handedly have decided constitutes a quick enough death to warrant medical attention of some sort. Obesity for apparently decades, to the extent of requiring WLS, and now including, at the very least, diabetes (which is no walk in the park) isn't it, so what is? Just curious what your personal determination, that must necessarily be true for everyone, is. "OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life..." How much later, for a severely obese patient with restructured insides who is diabetic? Roughly. In your educated estimation, I mean I'm assuming you have your MD at the very least?
mamapeach910 wrote: » LAWoman72 wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached. I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner. talk about comparing apples and oranges.. OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future. and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... So if it's (possibly, not definitely) a slower death, it's not a big deal? Do you have an exact time frame on what constitutes imminent death? Because anorexics can hang on for years too. Or decades. I'd love to hear what you single-handedly have decided constitutes a quick enough death to warrant medical attention of some sort. Obesity for apparently decades, to the extent of requiring WLS, and now including, at the very least, diabetes (which is no walk in the park) isn't it, so what is? Just curious what your personal determination, that must necessarily be true for everyone, is. "OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life..." How much later, for a severely obese patient with restructured insides who is diabetic? Roughly. In your educated estimation, I mean I'm assuming you have your MD at the very least? You keep assuming a contrary position without stating what she should actually do besides... what? Fret? This is what I don't get. I doubt anyone thinks this isn't concerning. But ... perspective. They had ONE conversation. We don't know the tenor of that conversation. We know her side of things. We know he failed WLS, but a lot of people do that. We know he went out and bought the food, but that might be a direct response to the tenor of the conversation... but... we. don't know enough to say. And that's really the bottom line. What would you suggest the wife do? Other than continue a respectful dialog, is there really anything to be done? Have you ever lived with an alcoholic?
85kurtz wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... No not really, The University of Carolina published a research paper about this. It isn't that uncommon.
ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... No not really, The University of Carolina published a research paper about this. It isn't that uncommon. go ahead and link us to it for review purposes...
85kurtz wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... No not really, The University of Carolina published a research paper about this. It isn't that uncommon. go ahead and link us to it for review purposes... I have already done the research. I suggest you log into google and type "research papers that indicate partners derail weight loss". That should get you there.
ndj1979 wrote: » LAWoman72 wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached. I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner. talk about comparing apples and oranges.. OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future. and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... So if it's (possibly, not definitely) a slower death, it's not a big deal? Do you have an exact time frame on what constitutes imminent death? Because anorexics can hang on for years too. Or decades. I'd love to hear what you single-handedly have decided constitutes a quick enough death to warrant medical attention of some sort. Obesity for apparently decades, to the extent of requiring WLS, and now including, at the very least, diabetes (which is no walk in the park) isn't it, so what is? Just curious what your personal determination, that must necessarily be true for everyone, is. "OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life..." How much later, for a severely obese patient with restructured insides who is diabetic? Roughly. In your educated estimation, I mean I'm assuming you have your MD at the very least? No, I don't have an MD, do you? I am speaking from personal experience. My former boss is a diabetic, very obese, and eats whatever he wants. He is now 65 years old on the same path and has not had any ill effects. so yea, I am still calling BS on that example. As it is drawing a similarity between certain death, and the prospect of it somewhere down the line.I don't know too many people that are going to hang on for years "starving" themselves, which was the example given.
LAWoman72 wrote: » mamapeach910 wrote: » LAWoman72 wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached. I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner. talk about comparing apples and oranges.. OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future. and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... So if it's (possibly, not definitely) a slower death, it's not a big deal? Do you have an exact time frame on what constitutes imminent death? Because anorexics can hang on for years too. Or decades. I'd love to hear what you single-handedly have decided constitutes a quick enough death to warrant medical attention of some sort. Obesity for apparently decades, to the extent of requiring WLS, and now including, at the very least, diabetes (which is no walk in the park) isn't it, so what is? Just curious what your personal determination, that must necessarily be true for everyone, is. "OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life..." How much later, for a severely obese patient with restructured insides who is diabetic? Roughly. In your educated estimation, I mean I'm assuming you have your MD at the very least? You keep assuming a contrary position without stating what she should actually do besides... what? Fret? This is what I don't get. I doubt anyone thinks this isn't concerning. But ... perspective. They had ONE conversation. We don't know the tenor of that conversation. We know her side of things. We know he failed WLS, but a lot of people do that. We know he went out and bought the food, but that might be a direct response to the tenor of the conversation... but... we. don't know enough to say. And that's really the bottom line. What would you suggest the wife do? Other than continue a respectful dialog, is there really anything to be done? Have you ever lived with an alcoholic? Yes, I have lived with an alcoholic, and divorced him. What does that have to do with the OP's situation? I already stated what I felt about what she can do. Which is, sadly, really very little. I do sympathize with her, and I sympathize with her husband as well. I also stated what she can do for herself, anyway, if not him; please read above. I'm sorry; I thought I was pretty clear and explanatory; I already answered your questions here, so please read back. Do YOU have any clear ideas on what the OP can actually "do"? If so, what are they? Unless you already stated them earlier in the thread; I may have missed them - it is a very long thread.
ndj1979 wrote: » LAWoman72 wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached. I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner. talk about comparing apples and oranges.. OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future. and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... So if it's (possibly, not definitely) a slower death, it's not a big deal? Do you have an exact time frame on what constitutes imminent death? Because anorexics can hang on for years too. Or decades. I'd love to hear what you single-handedly have decided constitutes a quick enough death to warrant medical attention of some sort. Obesity for apparently decades, to the extent of requiring WLS, and now including, at the very least, diabetes (which is no walk in the park) isn't it, so what is? Just curious what your personal determination, that must necessarily be true for everyone, is. "OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life..." How much later, for a severely obese patient with restructured insides who is diabetic? Roughly. In your educated estimation, I mean I'm assuming you have your MD at the very least? No, I don't have an MD, do you? No, which is why I'm not about to say a morbidly obese person eating around restructured insides with diabetes is A-ok and certainly in no imminent danger, any more than you should feel confident saying he's got years left in him. I am speaking from personal experience. My former boss is a diabetic, very obese, and eats whatever he wants. He is now 65 years old on the same path and has not had any ill effects. / Oh, a sample size of one? I know a guy in a 1970s Dannon yogurt commercial who's 110 years old and smokes. so yea, I am still calling BS on that example. As it is drawing a similarity between certain death, and the prospect of it somewhere down the line. I don't know too many people that are going to hang on for years "starving" themselves, which was the example given. You have never known, nor heard of, anyone who was anorexic for years? Decades? "Certain death," got any backup for that one? Again, certain how? When? What gives you the idea that any given anorexic's "certain" death is imminent while any given obese WLS diabetic patient's isn't?
LAWoman72 wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached. I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner. talk about comparing apples and oranges.. OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future. and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... So if it's (possibly, not definitely) a slower death, it's not a big deal? Do you have an exact time frame on what constitutes imminent death? Because anorexics can hang on for years too. Or decades. I'd love to hear what you single-handedly have decided constitutes a quick enough death to warrant medical attention of some sort. Obesity for apparently decades, to the extent of requiring WLS, and now including, at the very least, diabetes (which is no walk in the park) isn't it, so what is? Just curious what your personal determination, that must necessarily be true for everyone, is. "OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life..." How much later, for a severely obese patient with restructured insides who is diabetic? Roughly. In your educated estimation, I mean I'm assuming you have your MD at the very least? No, I don't have an MD, do you? No, which is why I'm not about to say a morbidly obese person eating around restructured insides with diabetes is A-ok and certainly in no imminent danger, any more than you should feel confident saying he's got years left in him. I am speaking from personal experience. My former boss is a diabetic, very obese, and eats whatever he wants. He is now 65 years old on the same path and has not had any ill effects. / Oh, a sample size of one? I know a guy in a 1970s Dannon yogurt commercial who's 110 years old and smokes. so yea, I am still calling BS on that example. As it is drawing a similarity between certain death, and the prospect of it somewhere down the line. I don't know too many people that are going to hang on for years "starving" themselves, which was the example given. You have never known, nor heard of, anyone who was anorexic for years? Decades? "Certain death," got any backup for that one? Again, certain how? When? What gives you the idea that any given anorexic's "certain" death is imminent while any given obese WLS diabetic patient's isn't?
No, I don't have an MD, do you?
I am speaking from personal experience. My former boss is a diabetic, very obese, and eats whatever he wants. He is now 65 years old on the same path and has not had any ill effects. / Oh, a sample size of one? I know a guy in a 1970s Dannon yogurt commercial who's 110 years old and smokes. so yea, I am still calling BS on that example. As it is drawing a similarity between certain death, and the prospect of it somewhere down the line. I don't know too many people that are going to hang on for years "starving" themselves, which was the example given. You have never known, nor heard of, anyone who was anorexic for years? Decades? "Certain death," got any backup for that one? Again, certain how? When? What gives you the idea that any given anorexic's "certain" death is imminent while any given obese WLS diabetic patient's isn't?
Oh, a sample size of one? I know a guy in a 1970s Dannon yogurt commercial who's 110 years old and smokes. so yea, I am still calling BS on that example. As it is drawing a similarity between certain death, and the prospect of it somewhere down the line. I don't know too many people that are going to hang on for years "starving" themselves, which was the example given. You have never known, nor heard of, anyone who was anorexic for years? Decades? "Certain death," got any backup for that one? Again, certain how? When? What gives you the idea that any given anorexic's "certain" death is imminent while any given obese WLS diabetic patient's isn't?
so yea, I am still calling BS on that example. As it is drawing a similarity between certain death, and the prospect of it somewhere down the line. I don't know too many people that are going to hang on for years "starving" themselves, which was the example given.
mamapeach910 wrote: » LAWoman72 wrote: » mamapeach910 wrote: » LAWoman72 wrote: » ndj1979 wrote: » 85kurtz wrote: » I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached. I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner. talk about comparing apples and oranges.. OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future. and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous... So if it's (possibly, not definitely) a slower death, it's not a big deal? Do you have an exact time frame on what constitutes imminent death? Because anorexics can hang on for years too. Or decades. I'd love to hear what you single-handedly have decided constitutes a quick enough death to warrant medical attention of some sort. Obesity for apparently decades, to the extent of requiring WLS, and now including, at the very least, diabetes (which is no walk in the park) isn't it, so what is? Just curious what your personal determination, that must necessarily be true for everyone, is. "OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life..." How much later, for a severely obese patient with restructured insides who is diabetic? Roughly. In your educated estimation, I mean I'm assuming you have your MD at the very least? You keep assuming a contrary position without stating what she should actually do besides... what? Fret? This is what I don't get. I doubt anyone thinks this isn't concerning. But ... perspective. They had ONE conversation. We don't know the tenor of that conversation. We know her side of things. We know he failed WLS, but a lot of people do that. We know he went out and bought the food, but that might be a direct response to the tenor of the conversation... but... we. don't know enough to say. And that's really the bottom line. What would you suggest the wife do? Other than continue a respectful dialog, is there really anything to be done? Have you ever lived with an alcoholic? Yes, I have lived with an alcoholic, and divorced him. What does that have to do with the OP's situation? I already stated what I felt about what she can do. Which is, sadly, really very little. I do sympathize with her, and I sympathize with her husband as well. I also stated what she can do for herself, anyway, if not him; please read above. I'm sorry; I thought I was pretty clear and explanatory; I already answered your questions here, so please read back. Do YOU have any clear ideas on what the OP can actually "do"? If so, what are they? Unless you already stated them earlier in the thread; I may have missed them - it is a very long thread. Very little that she can do. Which is pretty much why I brought up the alcoholic. Same thing. It sucks, but you can't do anything to make them change. It's sort of why I don't understand why you're being contrary with people who are basically saying the same thing. There's no one who doesn't feel bad about this, but there are those saying there's not much you can do vs. those suggesting some pretty out there stuff that is pretty boundary pushing.
