What if I don't like the "new" me?

Unknown

I know, ridiculous question, right? But really - the more I try, the more I learn, the more I realize that to reach my goals (physical and otherwise), I'm going to have to make significant changes. But the more I look at the changes to be made, the more scared I get that I won't like who I change into. I admit, I am ALWAYS more comfortable in the way things are (even if unpleasant) than change - ANY change).

I'm not even talking big things. Little things - like eating a red/purple grape instead of a white grape (which I did for the very first time yesterday) can be a hurdle. Having a set bedtime. Making time for exercise. That's stuff "those" people do - not me.

I'm sure many - if not most of you - are completely bewildered by such thinking. And that's fine. I try the patience of my friends - and I certainly try my patience with myself!!!

But hoping there's a few out there who might understand and could offer me a little pep talk/advice to help move me along my journey.

Unknown

Who exactly are "those" people? I mean, that sounds like kind of a fatuous question, but really though. Sit down and list out all the qualities of "those" people that make them other and not you. Then ask yourself how any of those characteristics necessarily follow from, e.g., not having a set bedtime. (I don't have a set bedtime either, for what it's worth. I don't know anyone over the age of ten who has a set bedtime.)

There are a lot of forms of excuse-making. Some of them are pretty subtle. For example, inventing an exemplar of a class of persons you would never want to be like, then pinning on them all the things you aren't really sure you want to do. I mean, you can't be expected to do something you really don't want to do if you don't like people who do that thing, right?

Unknown

I mean this is in the kindest, gentlest way possible, but could you be obsessive/ compulsive? I have OCD. My lamp shades and wall hangings have to be level. All the light switches in the house have to point the same direction. The pillow cases on the bed must open outward. Drives my husband nuts but he's adapted.

Something to think about. And maybe talking to a counselor as well?

Best wishes to you!

Unknown

Not something I suffer from. The new you will be healthier and fitter. Its just a bit of fear of the unknown plus letting some of those mental gremlins start to put doubts into your mind becayse part of you doesnt want to make the changes required as they arent comfy and require effort.

What dakota baby said you could love the new you and hats more likely to be the case.

Unknown

Change is a scary thing. But only you can overcome that. People are also creatures of habit. But only you can break that habit.

It's not about becoming a new person. It's about caring and loving yourself, because you're worth it.

Unknown

Think of it this way... Try your "new self" including habits and all for a year or 2. If you don't like it, you can always put the weight back on and go back to how you were, lol.

Unknown

myfatass78 wrote: »

I look at it like a form of grief in a way. The old person what I actually really liked, has gone and who is new stranger in front of me, who likes to try new things and wear smaller clothes and who has confidence that is all brand new. Does that make any sense ?

Wow. That makes a very great deal of sense! Thank you

Unknown

You haven't even really met the new you yet so how can you know if you will like her or not? Give her a chance! Hang out with her for a while. Be open minded to her way of thinking. You might get to be really good friends.

Unknown

Larissa_NY wrote: »

Who exactly are "those" people? I mean, that sounds like kind of a fatuous question, but really though. Sit down and list out all the qualities of "those" people that make them other and not you. Then ask yourself how any of those characteristics necessarily follow from, e.g., not having a set bedtime. (I don't have a set bedtime either, for what it's worth. I don't know anyone over the age of ten who has a set bedtime.)

There are a lot of forms of excuse-making. Some of them are pretty subtle. For example, inventing an exemplar of a class of persons you would never want to be like, then pinning on them all the things you aren't really sure you want to do. I mean, you can't be expected to do something you really don't want to do if you don't like people who do that thing, right?

I like how you think. Definitely something worth thinking about. I do know there's lots of levels and changes of thinking/emotions going on in me right now. I appreciate everyone's support.

Unknown

slp51 wrote: »

I mean this is in the kindest, gentlest way possible, but could you be obsessive/ compulsive? I have OCD. My lamp shades and wall hangings have to be level. All the light switches in the house have to point the same direction. The pillow cases on the bed must open outward. Drives my husband nuts but he's adapted.

Something to think about. And maybe talking to a counselor as well?

Best wishes to you!

LOL! The ONLY reason I didn't use the OCD label in my original post was that I haven't been formally diagnosed. I definitely have traits and behaviors that fit this category.

I know my struggle isn't with actual weight loss at all, but with all the behaviors and thoughts (good and bad) that got me "here", and deciding whether I can truly get to "there" - and then figuring out how to make the journey to "there" without losing the marbles I have left. *grin* (I really do have a good sense of humor about myself though it may not come through in my posts).

One struggle is with my tendency to hyper-focus to the point of inertia - which is part of what this thread is about, huh? The wanting to know/control everything before I can take a step.

Unknown

vixtris wrote: »

Think of it this way... Try your "new self" including habits and all for a year or 2. If you don't like it, you can always put the weight back on and go back to how you were, lol.

But it's not just about the weight - but things like making time for myself to train (workout). To do so means less time for other things - which may include time with my kids/husband/or elderly mom. And then what will I feel if something happens to one of them and I regret the time I spent working out instead of being there?

It's about making new friends and losing some old relationships - again, choices with time/money effect everything. Will I be happy with those choices? What if I never develop new friendships (they are difficult for me) but my old non-running friends drift too far away for me to get back with them?

Yep, these are the kind of thoughts that can bounce into my brain at any moment - my brain excels at coming up with many, many terrible, horrible, thoughts of what could happen if changes are made!

Unknown

Ninkyou wrote: »

Change is a scary thing. But only you can overcome that. People are also creatures of habit. But only you can break that habit.

It's not about becoming a new person. It's about caring and loving yourself, because you're worth it.

Thank you!