Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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I bought some wrapped chocolate candies at the bulk store. Can't remember the brand name, there is nothing whatsoever on the wrapper... so I'm not logging them, dammit!
Well, technically, I'd have to go back to the bulk store to get the name of them anyway. And that could be dangerous.
I go to a Polish bakery/store in town, and they have open bins of wrapped chocolates, all different flavors. Whenever I buy a mixed bag of them, I tell myself that they don't have calories because I don't speak Polish and I can't read the labels.
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First off, I absolutely love this thread! Sometimes I think the best support for ANYTHING is realizing you're not the only one. I've been reading all 4 million pages of this thread (while I should be doing homework) for the last 5 hours, not to mention the last few days since I found it so I figured I'd post too. I'm very awful at communication and "sharing my feelings" so this is the first time I've admitted most of these things to anyone but myself.
-I support and am all for "everything in moderation" but can't do it myself to save my life! One bite of a trigger food and I can't stop. Instead, I refrain from eating them when they are around me (ie work) or buying them when I am shopping. Things that are not safe in my house: Peanut butter, Tagalongs, and cookie dough. I've switched over to PB2 cuz a) it's just not as good as real PB and b) it's much harder to mindlessly overeat. The other two I simply don't allow myself to have... out of sight, out of mind works very well for me and I am a very successful "healthy" eater because of this.
-I always buy low/no fat/sugar things simply because they're lower in calories, not because I want to limit them.
-I'm a volume eater so I bulk up on low calorie items (veggies are my go-to) in order to be able to eat more (hence the previous confession).
-I'm constantly rethinking the amount of calories I'm supposed to eat. I usually put myself at 1200 calories then worry that I'm eating too little but at the same time paranoid that I'll gain if I eat above. (I'm currently working on 13-1400 cals per day, with the intent of sticking with it for at least 3 weeks to see what happens.)
-I'm 115# and the epitome of skinny fat due to unhealthy weight loss ~5 years ago with no exercise. (Currently working on changing that, and so far seems to be working.)
-I have a horrible body image and still think I'm fat most of the time (quite possibly due to being skinny fat).
-I see heavier people and think they look thinner than me. Actually, I see most people as thinner than me.
-I wish I didn't compare myself to other people and I am working on changing that.
-I'm offended when people tell me I need to "fatten up", eat a cheeseburger, or that I'm too skinny. I also don't like it when I hear fat jokes or weight related shaming of any kind.
-I get irritated when having to explain over and over again that this is a lifestyle, not a diet, and I will always count my calories, eat healthy, and workout because that is how I function best, and I am happy doing it. Not to mention, the battle is not done simply because you've reached your goal weight. ["But you're skinny; you don't need to do that anymore!"]
-I feel guilty with my success this far because I am part of an obese family and the smallest in my family.
Please note: with all the previously mentioned things, I am still a very optimistic and motivated person. I love the feeling of eating healthy (I'm a lover of all fruit and green veggies) and working out, and I love myself aside from my poor body image. I use the high feeling that I get from working out and eating healthy as a focus point so I can focus less on my poor self image, and it certainly helps me to have a higher self esteem in general
Thanks for reading and thanks for this thread!
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FluffySandwich wrote: »
You rock those muscular arms!! I admit I didn't know what "bat wings" were and had to look it up. I think I have a pair of those as well. I'm sure no one notices these things as much as the person with the body. I remember being very embarrassed about acne, and telling my boyfriend, and he said he didn't even notice I had acne until I said somethingFluffySandwich wrote: »
I'm behind right now and missed this comment! Thank you, I appreciate itFluffySandwich wrote: »Me too. Sometimes I feel my brain is my worst enemy
I've started telling myself ''You're beautiful'' or ''You're cute'' or whatever when I go out, attempting to condition myself to actually believe it. I've been told that if you tell yourself enough times, eventually you'll start thinking it's true 
Well if that is you in your avatar pic, I think you are very pretty. You need to believe in yourself.
Oh and now I want some bubble tea too.
I can't sleep so I'm on here trying to catch up on the thread. Yesterday I was walking around in a sweater even though it was pretty hot because I was embarrassed about my arms. Today I realized that was kind of dumb. How many people look at other people and think ''That girl has some weird arms!!!"?
Also I'm surprised by how many people think bubble tea is or sounds gross! Tapioca is delicious, I've always loved the pudding myself I also love the texture. I admit, at first I thought I hated bubble tea when I got some in New York for the first time. I tried it again a couple years later in Montreal, a different flavor, and loved it. Now I've tried almost all of the milky varieties... now I'm craving it again.
I have some bat wings with loose skin on my arms... and the right arm is actually worse. The irony is that it's what bothered me the most when I started losing, and I still have them, even though my arms are pretty muscular otherwise (well, as muscular as I like them). I don't even care anymore, I'm going sleeveless all the time. But yeah you'll never see me in a bikini... there are limits, lol!
I agree though, you're very pretty, so don't let that stop you.
I'm trying to get comfortable enough to the point where I can wear a binkini again, but first I think I'm going to have to really bring up my self confidence and NOT CARE what other people think (easier said than done)!!
And thanks so much for making me smile. I'll try not to doubt you guys too much. I really, genuinely appreciate it.
The only people who notice my arm fat is my older niece & nephew. My niece when she was 5-6 would go around & tell people how much she loved my arm fat because it was soft like a pillow.0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »I finally bought the Sam's Choice Coffee and Donuts ice cream yesterday and even though I had no calories left, I ate a serving. I regret nothing. Who was it that brought that up? Quiksylver? You're terrible. LOL
The glaze is the best part:D.0 -
I hereby dedicate this burger to @HollandOats, with all it's mayo and bacon awesomeness. I only regret I'm out of avocado.0
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-I'm 115# and the epitome of skinny fat due to unhealthy weight loss ~5 years ago with no exercise. (Currently working on changing that, and so far seems to be working.)
Welcome! And, if you haven't heard this already... weight lifting is the cure.
Seriously. I guess if you had to put a label on it, what I'm doing is a "recomp" since I'm not disciplined enough to do bulk/cut cycles, but the results are starting to really impress me.
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-I'm 115# and the epitome of skinny fat due to unhealthy weight loss ~5 years ago with no exercise. (Currently working on changing that, and so far seems to be working.)
Welcome! And, if you haven't heard this already... weight lifting is the cure.
Seriously. I guess if you had to put a label on it, what I'm doing is a "recomp" since I'm not disciplined enough to do bulk/cut cycles, but the results are starting to really impress me.
Thank you! I've read about body recomp here on the forums and have researched it a little bit on my own and I would absolutely LOVE to get into lifting, but from what I understand it needs to be done at the gym or with the proper equipment at home? I avoid the gym because I tend to get very anxious in public places with a lot of people and I don't exactly have the finances or space for a home gym at the moment. I have looked into it though, and plan on it once I'm able. Can body weight exercises have similar results? I'm currently working my way through Body Revolution using 5-10# dumbbells, because that's what I have!0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »AgentOrangeJuice wrote: »Oh btw, for anyone wondering. I got a job offer this morning. It's going to be amazing walking out of this place in a couple of weeks with my paycheck, and 100 hours of vacation time in a check too. WOOT WOOT
I'M SO BEHIND!!! CONGRATULATIONS! That is awesome!!!
@AgentOrangeJuice huge high five!
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Tonight's dirty secret: I just ate two eggs but didn't want to go over my calorie goal since this is the first day in a good long time that I actually stayed under the goal instead of going like 1000 calories over the goal, so I logged one of the eggs as eaten tomorrow. I feel successful.0
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First off, I absolutely love this thread! Sometimes I think the best support for ANYTHING is realizing you're not the only one. I've been reading all 4 million pages of this thread (while I should be doing homework) for the last 5 hours, not to mention the last few days since I found it so I figured I'd post too. I'm very awful at communication and "sharing my feelings" so this is the first time I've admitted most of these things to anyone but myself.
-I support and am all for "everything in moderation" but can't do it myself to save my life! One bite of a trigger food and I can't stop. Instead, I refrain from eating them when they are around me (ie work) or buying them when I am shopping. Things that are not safe in my house: Peanut butter, Tagalongs, and cookie dough. I've switched over to PB2 cuz a) it's just not as good as real PB and b) it's much harder to mindlessly overeat. The other two I simply don't allow myself to have... out of sight, out of mind works very well for me and I am a very successful "healthy" eater because of this.
-I always buy low/no fat/sugar things simply because they're lower in calories, not because I want to limit them.
-I'm a volume eater so I bulk up on low calorie items (veggies are my go-to) in order to be able to eat more (hence the previous confession).
-I'm constantly rethinking the amount of calories I'm supposed to eat. I usually put myself at 1200 calories then worry that I'm eating too little but at the same time paranoid that I'll gain if I eat above. (I'm currently working on 13-1400 cals per day, with the intent of sticking with it for at least 3 weeks to see what happens.)
-I'm 115# and the epitome of skinny fat due to unhealthy weight loss ~5 years ago with no exercise. (Currently working on changing that, and so far seems to be working.)
-I have a horrible body image and still think I'm fat most of the time (quite possibly due to being skinny fat).
-I see heavier people and think they look thinner than me. Actually, I see most people as thinner than me.
-I wish I didn't compare myself to other people and I am working on changing that.
-I'm offended when people tell me I need to "fatten up", eat a cheeseburger, or that I'm too skinny. I also don't like it when I hear fat jokes or weight related shaming of any kind.
-I get irritated when having to explain over and over again that this is a lifestyle, not a diet, and I will always count my calories, eat healthy, and workout because that is how I function best, and I am happy doing it. Not to mention, the battle is not done simply because you've reached your goal weight. ["But you're skinny; you don't need to do that anymore!"]
-I feel guilty with my success this far because I am part of an obese family and the smallest in my family.
Please note: with all the previously mentioned things, I am still a very optimistic and motivated person. I love the feeling of eating healthy (I'm a lover of all fruit and green veggies) and working out, and I love myself aside from my poor body image. I use the high feeling that I get from working out and eating healthy as a focus point so I can focus less on my poor self image, and it certainly helps me to have a higher self esteem in general
Thanks for reading and thanks for this thread!
Welcome! The best thing about this thread is you can tell us all anything that you can't tell your closest friends and family in real life. It's cathartic.0 -
I'm so happy to hear about these confessions. We all have them. I binge on food sometimes. I'm addicted! I've tried every diet possible. I'm in Weight Watchers now. On my third week and this week I've eaten so much crap. I also have hypothyroidism so basically weight loss sucks. My downfall now is wheat things (almost whole box) with a half pound of bagel dip! It brings such pleasure eating your favorite foods.0
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It is Cinco de Mayo and I'm only on page 473 April 27th... New job less time SSOOO I decide it's a great idea to read this thread while walking the neighborhood in the evening. 2 birds one stone right?! Yeah until you walk into a parked car while your neighbor is outside observing the entire episode!0
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quiksylver296 wrote: »I'm desperately behind, but I wanted to check in and say hi.
I found out on Saturday that my dad most likely has cancer. He also was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. The prognosis is good, but he will be having surgery in the next few weeks to remove the tumors.
Obviously, I'm kind of a wreck right now.
Oh, no. Prayers for your dad!
Ditto.
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Italian_Buju wrote: »
That's horrible! But I can totally relate.Italian_Buju wrote: »Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....
Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I can relate to that because my mother did that to me! I was about 13 and was vomiting all day and in a lot of pain. A friend had slept over the night before, and by morning when she was leaving I headed over to the ER. My mother checked me in, and then left. I spent hours and hours in an ER room, puking my brains out and passing out over and over. The surgeon said I needed my appendix out, but they could not find my parents to sign the surgery consent. This was the mid 80's so before cell phones etc. My friend that had slept over stopped in with her mom that evening because they had been calling the house and could not get anyone so they came to the ER to see if I was still there. I vaguely remember seeing them between passing out. My friend's mother lost her mind when she realized I was there alone and that they hospital could not find my parents. She actually went out and hunted them down on her own. They were out at a restaurant having dinner. My father had come home from work, and my mother did not even tell him I was at the hospital or anything. I remember the DR reaming her out, and her excuse was that she was diabetic and needed dinner. REALLY? Grab a sandwich, wtf. Not only that, but she was gone for hours and hours before that.
Because they had to wait so long, my appendix burst while they were taking it out, I ended up in hospital for three weeks with a nasty infection and my scar is HUGE! My mother was a complete asshat. That is one of the lesser things she did to me......
This makes me sad beyond belief. I am the first to say that being a parent is the hardest job there is, but I cannot believe the terrible things you and so many others have endured.
I still beat myself up regularly for all the ways I feel like I've failed my children. Whenever they have an issue or a problem I immediately think about what I could've done differently or should have not done or said, but they DO know I love them and I'm their biggest fan in spite of my faults and shortcomings. I cannot comprehend the way some parents treat their own children. That's where my ranting about "don't have kids unless you really want to!" comes to play. Some people are not meant to be parents, but they don't think it out ahead of time.
I do too 0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »I'm nowhere near my goal weight, but I am officially in maintenance now. The eagle-eyed among you will know why (I posted about my motivation many pages back). I'm on cloud 9.
I'm taking a guess here, but I think congratulations are in order? and no more alcohol? or... nuts? or egg whites. I trying to think of others but having not been there, I don't know. YAY!
Oh, I totally had the hint fly over my head and I even recall the earlier post now that it's made obvious.
Great news!
I'm not figuring it out yet, unfortunately. Any other clues anyone can give? Or approx. what page the previous post was on? I've read the whole thread, but sometimes my retention is lacking due to multitasking.
Hint: Impending family expansion going on.
Congrats!
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dearmrsowl wrote: »I really want to get a slow cooker or crock pot but it would scare the heck out of me to leave it on for a couple of hours while I'm not in the house. I'd be too afraid that the thing might catch on fire and burn the whole house down. I'm also kind of obsessive over checking if the stove is off at night and if all doors are locked. Once I walked 30 minutes (after already being at the library to study) just to check if I really locked the door to the community center I have the key for because I couldn't remember if I did or not.
I have the same slow cooker fear. Like how can you leave a burning fire in your house without someone there to keep an eye on it?
I used to be scared of this and my boss kept telling me it was fine, now I am a little more comfortable. I mostly worry cuz when we are all at work and school, there are fur babies here that would be helpless and I do not think I would ever get over that......0 -
melimomTARDIS wrote: »I purposefully design all my meals so I can eat large portions for little calories. Despite losing a bajillion pounds, and maintaining the loss, I still need QUANITITY to feel full.
My guests are aghast when they see my big ol' jethro portions. (ie- huge bowls of air popped popcorn, 2 or 3 potatoes with my dinner, mountains of salad... etc)
Also, sometimes, when I am stressed, I still binge eat. Its very comforting to overeat, like wrapping up in a warm blanket.
Each binge session gets farther and farther apart, and I can usually somewhat balance the week to prevent weight gain. Its pretty infrequent now, but still happens sometimes.
I have done the same thing0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »This is the ad on the side of my MFP right now, and it is making me a little uncomfortable...
Only men can eat cucumbers?!
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Oh wow I can't believe that so many of you had such irresponsible/horrible parents. I'm so sorry. Mine are/were definitely not the best parents but my problems with them seem pretty small compared to yours.
I think the worst was my mom beating me when I was 10 because I wanted to stop playing the piano (those lessons totally ruined my life, seriously, I hated it, I left in tears every single week because I hated practicing when there were people home, and I still don't understand why she beat me up over it, drawing blood with her nails etc), and my dad looking at me when I was 17 during dinner and saying 'wow, your teeth are ugly' (well, not anymore, I shelled out the $3000 last year to get them fixed, as they didn't think it was important enough to do when I was a teenager).
I admit I'm jealous sometimes when I see the fantastic relationships that some people have with their parents (my father died 13 years ago, my mom comes to visit 3x a year and it's always very stressful and ends up in screaming fests, but I guess I put up with it for my kids). But you all reminded me that there's worse.
@spamarie Congratulations!!!
About falling out of love... Let's just say I wish I was one of those couples who still love each other so much when they are old... but I don't see that happening. It's been 12 years... we've changed. The kids have changed us. I don't really want to elaborate but it's just not the same at all anymore.
Those examples are pretty intense!
Also, on your second point, if your kids are still young, you might fine it changes back as they get older, are more independent and not as much work....when you finally have time for yourselves again....0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »ladybuggnorris wrote: »
That's horrible! But I can totally relate.Italian_Buju wrote: »Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....
Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I would not say that my parents are uncaring...they would never make rude or hateful comments to me. But, I did learn a lot on how not to be a parent from them. I had my tonsils removed when I was six. My mom drove the 45 minutes to the hospital, stayed while they admitted me, did bloodwork, etc...then went home. She came and picked me up three days later. I do not remember a single time in my life where I was as scared as I was, waking up from that surgery and not knowing anyone.
I am sorry you experienced that.
I sadly have experienced this also. I was very sick as a child and spent a LOT of time in hospital. I had a kidney removed, and was in for a long time, I was very young, I barely remember anything, I was maybe 3, but I do remember that I was ALWAYS alone and scared.
When my son was three, he was in the hospital twice one winter with pneumonia, and both times I literally never left his side. I even had the nurses on the ward track me down a bottle of insulin when I ran out. I slept in the hospital bed with him, and did not even go to work or anything. I did not want him to be there alone because of how often that happened to me.
On kind of a funny note, but it also tells how often I was in hospital as a kid, some of the senior nurses on the pediatric ward remembered me when my son was there. I was sleeping in the bed with him one night and all of a sudden felt something in my ear. The nurse had come in for middle of the night temperature and did mine instead of his! She forgot I was not the patient, we laughed about that for literally days!
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You sound like you are a wonderful, caring mom!
Thank you0
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